✦ The Sacred Texts ✦
The Menu.
Thirteen categories of divinely engineered indulgence. One is specifically prohibited by Doctrine and Covenants Section 89. One is theologically ambiguous and Uncle Wormwood is fine with that. All items personally approved by Uncle Wormwood. The FDA has been notified. They have not responded.
All ingredients are real. All descriptions are accurate. All consequences are your own. Bubbly Drink assumes no liability for transcendence, nostalgia, or mild spiritual disorientation.
* Proxy orders not accepted. You must be physically present. We have been over this.
A Personal Note from the Proprietor
Dearest Human Animal,
Welcome to Bubbly Drink. I am Uncle Wormwood, and I assure you my intentions are entirely wholesome. I am simply a businessman who loves carbonation, community, and the gradual softening of your moral resolve through the repeated consumption of extremely good ice cream.
Weirdos, dog-walkers, and the spiritually unmoored are equally welcome to pull up a stool and stay awhile. Wizards eat free. This is not a metaphor.
Warmly & Sincerely,
Uncle Wormwood
Proprietor · Maven District, SLC · Hell-Adjacent
Uncle Wormwood does not harvest souls. Repeat customers are more valuable than harvested souls. This was a difficult conclusion. Uncle Wormwood has made peace with it.
The Wizard eats free. This policy is permanent, unconditional, and not subject to amendment, expiration, or review. It is, in some sense, the contract.
Bubbly Drink is not responsible for: existential clarity experienced after consuming a beverage; unexpected feelings of warmth toward strangers; or the sudden conviction that things are going to be fine.
— Form BD-666-R · Read the full Soul Contract
✦ The Cost Agreements ✦
Simple math. No anxiety.
Uncle Wormwood believes pricing should not require a calculator, a theology degree, or a support group. Every drink starts at a base price. Boosters add to that base at fixed, predictable amounts. You can recreate any named drink yourself using the base price plus boosters and arrive at exactly the same number. This is intentional. This is the whole thing.
Sips & Freshly Shaved Ice (Soda / Shaved Ice Base)
$6
Regular
500 ml · Single Clear Can
The standard unit of joy.
$6
Tiny 2-Pack
2 × 250 ml · Two Clear Cans
Same price. Two cans. Share with someone or don't.
$7
Obscenely Large
700 ml · Single Clear Can
One dollar more. Significantly more drink. The math is favorable.
Sinful (Milk Base — Hot Lattes, Flat Whites, Iced Drinks)
Milk base drinks (lattes, hot drinks, anything creamy) are +$0.80 across all sizes. Milk costs more than syrup. That is the entire explanation.
$6.80
Regular
500 ml · Single Clear Can
$6.80
Tiny 2-Pack
2 × 250 ml · Two Clear Cans
$7.80
Obscenely Large
700 ml · Single Clear Can
* An Espresso Tonic uses soda base — no milk — so it's priced the same as a Sip. The logic is airtight.
✦ Included In Every Single Drink ✦
What you get without asking.
No upcharges. No asterisks. No fine print. The following items are included in every drink at every size at every price point. Uncle Wormwood is generous because he is winning.
Magic Fairy Dust
Every drink contains Magic Fairy Dust. It makes it fun and magical. It is edible glitter. We are not ashamed.
Carbonation, Shaved Ice, or Milk Base
Your drink starts with premium carbonated water, freshly shaved gourmet ice, or steamed/cold milk. Milk is +$0.80. That is the only base upcharge that exists.
1 Flavor Base
One house-made syrup or puree OR a double shot of espresso — included. An espresso tonic costs the same as a soda because espresso and syrup cost us about the same. We pass the logic on to you.
Up to 3 Syrup Enhancements
Add up to 3 additional syrup flavor pumps at no extra cost. More than 3 flavors would taste like a mistake. We have tried. It was a mistake.
Garnish of Your Choice
One included garnish plus an edible straw. Choose from: Dried or Fresh Lemon, Dried or Fresh Lime, Dehydrated Marshmallows, Popping Pearls Lychee, Popping Pearls Mango, Popping Pearls Strawberry, Popping Pearls Passion Fruit, Popping Pearls Watermelon, Toffee Bits, Freeze-Dried Strawberry, Dried Grapefruit, or Freeze-Dried Tropical Fruits.
Free Magic Pebble
With every purchase, Uncle Wormwood provides one free Magic Pebble from his personal tray of small gem rocks. Each pebble contains the wisdom of the universe. You may keep it. It is yours now.
Free Magic Pebble with Every Purchase.
Uncle Wormwood maintains a personal tray of small gem rocks at the counter. Each one contains the wisdom of the universe. You may take one. It is yours. No purchase necessary, but you do have to purchase something.
* The wisdom of the universe is non-transferable and cannot be exchanged for cash value.
✦ Power-Ups ✦
Extra Boosters
Optional additions to any drink. Every booster is a fixed price. Add as many as you like. The math will always work out to exactly what you expect.
+$1
Ice Cream Scoop
One scoop of premium hard ice cream added to any drink. Floats on top. Melts into something magnificent. This is why the Classic Float costs $7 — base $6 plus this.
+$1
Chocolate Dip
Our house warm chocolate syrup applied via the dip machine. On a cone it forms a hard shell that shatters. Drizzled inside a cup before pouring, it sets into a chocolate interior lining. Pre-frozen into a shell cup, it becomes a vessel. Three applications. One booster price. Uncle Wormwood considers this his finest engineering achievement to date.
+$2
Extra Double Espresso Shot
A second double shot of espresso. For when the first one was a suggestion and you need a mandate. Stacks on top of the included espresso in any Sinful drink.
+$2
Kava Shot
Traditional kava extract. Calming. Earthy. The opposite of espresso in every measurable way. Some people order both. Uncle Wormwood respects the commitment without endorsing the logic.
+$1
Collagen Peptide Scoop
Collagen peptides dissolved into your drink. For your joints, your skin, and your ongoing sense of self-improvement. Tasteless. Dissolves completely. Probably working.
+$1
Electrolyte Coconut Scoop
Coconut-based electrolyte powder. Hydration. Minerals. The convincing illusion of a responsible decision.
+$1
Cream Top
A layer of cream poured directly on top of any drink. Rich. Visually stunning. Structurally precarious. Already featured on the Cream Top Chill. Now available on everything.
+$0.50
Sweetened Condensed Milk
A drizzle of thick, sweet condensed milk over the top. Adds richness and a gentle caramel note. Uncle Wormwood considers this the most honest topper in the building. It is exactly what it says it is.
+$0.50
Whipped Cream
A generous crown of whipped cream. Uncle Wormwood believes whipped cream is a virtue. He has always believed this. It is now a booster because the staff was spending too much time making decisions about it. He does not apologize.
+$1
Sweet Cream Cold Foam
Heavy cream + a touch of vanilla, frothed cold until it becomes a dense, velvety cloud that floats on top of any iced drink and slowly cascades down through it. Not whipped cream. Not a cream top. Something in between — lighter than one, richer than the other. Uncle Wormwood considers cold foam the most architecturally interesting topper in the building. It is correct on espresso. It is correct on soda. It is correct on shaved ice. He has tested this personally.
+$1
Vanilla Bean Cold Foam
Sweet cream cold foam with real vanilla bean paste folded in. Speckled. Fragrant. The vanilla is visible. Uncle Wormwood notes that most vanilla is invisible and this is a problem he has solved. Correct on cold brew, espresso tonics, and any soda with a caramel or butterscotch note.
+$1
Lavender Cold Foam
Sweet cream cold foam infused with 1883 Lavender syrup. Pale purple. Floral. Dense. Floats on top and slowly bleeds its color into the drink below. Uncle Wormwood considers this the most photogenic topper in the building. He notes that photogenic and delicious are not always the same thing. In this case they are.
+$1
Brown Sugar Cinnamon Cold Foam
Sweet cream cold foam with brown sugar syrup and a dusting of cinnamon. Warm. Caramel-adjacent. The cold foam that tastes like a decision you made in autumn and have never regretted. Uncle Wormwood notes that this is the cold foam for people who want their topper to have a season. He considers autumn the correct season.
+$1
Extra Garnish
A second garnish from the full garnish list. Lemon, lime, marshmallows, popping pearls, toffee bits, freeze-dried fruit — your choice. One is included. Two is a personality trait.
+$1
Brown Sugar Boba Pearls
Traditional chewy tapioca pearls cooked in brown sugar syrup. Adds a tiger-stripe finish and a satisfying chew to any drink. Premade ChewieBalls drinks include boba at the embedded cost. Custom booster orders pay the booster rate. Uncle Wormwood does not apologize for this distinction.
+$1
Multicolor Boba Pearls
Chewy tapioca pearls in a spectrum of colors. Adds texture, visual chaos, and a mild sweetness to any drink. The colors are real. The joy is proportional.
+$2
Protein Powder
A full scoop of whey protein — vanilla or chocolate. Available on any Slurp, any Açaí bowl, any Oat, any Culture. Uncle Wormwood does not consider this a health food establishment. He considers this a correct addition.
+$1
Chocolate Sauce
The same hard-shell chocolate used for dipped cones and cup linings — applied as a drizzle, a dip, or a pre-set interior shell. On a cone it shatters. Inside a cup it sets into a lining before the drink is poured. As a drizzle it is simply correct. Premade drinks that include chocolate sauce absorb the cost. Custom additions are $1. Uncle Wormwood considers the dip machine one of his finest decisions.
+$1
Nutella
Warm Nutella drizzled over ice cream, swirled into oats, or layered into a cup. Hazelnut and chocolate in their most committed form. Premade drinks that include Nutella absorb the cost. Custom additions are $1. Uncle Wormwood stocks it because some ingredients do not require justification.
+$0.50
Honey Drizzle
Real honey drizzled over yogurt, açaí, oats, or anything else that will hold still long enough. Premade Cultures and Açaí bowls include honey at the embedded cost. Custom additions are $0.50. Uncle Wormwood considers honey one of the few things that improves everything it touches. He does not say this about many things.
+$1
Granola
House granola — toasted oats, nuts, and a light sweetness. Included in Cultures and Açaí bowls at the embedded cost. Add it to anything else for $1. Uncle Wormwood considers granola the most honest topping in the building. It does not pretend to be something it is not.
+$0.50
Organic Maple Syrup Drizzle
A drizzle of organic, unfiltered maple syrup over any drink or bowl. Already built into menu items that list it — this is for guests who want it added to something else. Simple. Honest. Autumnal.
+$2
Spirulina Powder
1 tsp blue-green algae powder. Complete protein, B-vitamins, iron. Turns your drink green. Worth it.
+$2
Whey Protein Powder
1 scoop vanilla whey protein. 20–25g protein. Mixes best with fruit-forward or honey-based drinks.
+$2
Soy Protein Powder
1 scoop unflavored soy protein. Complete amino acid profile. Plant-based. Mixes clean.
+$1
Creatine Monohydrate
3–5g unflavored creatine monohydrate. The most studied performance supplement. Dissolves fully. Tasteless. $1 per scoop.
+$2
Ceremonial Matcha Powder
1 tsp ceremonial grade matcha. Whisked to order. L-theanine + caffeine = calm focus. $2 per scoop.
+$1
Turmeric Powder
1 tsp culinary turmeric. Anti-inflammatory. Add black pepper for full curcumin activation (we do this automatically). $1 per scoop.
+$2
Collagen Peptide Powder
1 scoop unflavored collagen peptides. Skin, joints, hair. Dissolves invisibly in any drink. $2 per scoop.
+$1
Echinacea Tincture
½ dropper echinacea tincture. Immune support. Slightly earthy. Pairs well with citrus and honey.
+$1
Elderberry Syrup
Antiviral, antioxidant, deep purple. Adds tartness and immune support to any drink.
+$2
Ashwagandha Powder
½ tsp adaptogenic root powder. Stress response, cortisol regulation, sustained energy. Earthy — pair with chocolate or honey. $2 per scoop.
+$1
Maca Root Powder
1 tsp Peruvian root powder. Energy, hormonal balance, endurance. Malty flavor — pairs well with caramel, butterscotch, chocolate. $1 per scoop.
+$1
Cacao Powder
1 tsp raw cacao powder. Magnesium, flavonoids, mood support. Richer and less sweet than cocoa. Pairs with everything. $1 per scoop.
+$1
Lavender Whipped Cream
House whipped cream infused with 1883 Lavender syrup. Purple-tinted. Floral. Structurally precarious. The most romantic topper in the building.
+$1
Violet Whipped Cream
House whipped cream infused with 1883 Violet syrup. Deep violet. Distinctly French. Slightly mysterious. Not something most establishments offer. Uncle Wormwood considers this their loss.
+$1
Matcha Whipped Cream
House whipped cream folded with ceremonial matcha. Pale green. Earthy and slightly bitter against the sweet cream. The whipped cream for people who want their topper to have a point of view.
+$1
Strawberry Whipped Cream
House whipped cream with real strawberry. Pink. Bright. The gateway topper. Most people start here. Some never leave.
+$1
Honey Whipped Cream
House whipped cream with real honey folded in. Golden. Warm. Slightly floral. The most wholesome topper in the building.
+$1
Chocolate Whipped Cream
House whipped cream with chocolate syrup folded in. Dark. Rich. The whipped cream that made a decision. On an espresso drink it is not a question — it is an answer.
✦ The Syrup Vault ✦
54 flavors. Real ingredients. No stomach aches.
Our approach was simple: buy everything, then eliminate anything that gave Uncle Wormwood a stomach ache. What remains is a tiered vault organized by quality and cost. Torani workhorses for reliable backbone. Liber & Co. craft syrups for premium color and flavor. Real-fruit infused purees for actual fruit. And the Jardin Spirit Cocktail Enhancers — the most expensive thing in the building that is not the espresso machine — for when a drink needs to be something more than a drink. Every syrup is available as a drink add-in or by the bottle to take home. All syrups are included in your base price. Uncle Wormwood absorbs the cost of the premium ones. He considers this correct.
Ask your server about the current seasonal rotation. The answer is probably yes.
Licks
Premium Hard Ice Cream
Premium hard ice cream, scooped to order. One scoop is five dollars. Each additional scoop is one dollar more. Toppings — Chocolate Dip, Chocolate Sauce, Nutella, Caramel, Crushed Oreos, Lucky Charms — are one dollar each. Every named item on this list is priced exactly as you would price it yourself using those numbers. Uncle Wormwood finds this approach civilized.
One scoop of premium hard ice cream. Vanilla or Chocolate — your choice. Cone or cup. Alleged effect: casts Renovatio — restores the specific feeling of the first time something was exactly right. The beginning of something. $5 flat.
Two scoops. Two flavors if you like. Cone or cup. Alleged effect: casts Certitudo — makes you briefly incapable of second-guessing yourself. The window is short. Use it. Single $5 + second scoop $1 = $6.
One scoop of premium hard ice cream, dipped into our warm house chocolate. It hardens on contact into a shell that shatters when you bite it. Alleged effect: casts Fiducia — the shell shattering is the metaphor. You made a decision. It was correct. Single $5 + Chocolate Dip $1 = $6.
One scoop of premium Vanilla Ice Cream + Chocolate Dip coating + Lucky Charms + Whipped Cream. Alleged effect: casts Felix Felicis — makes you feel like everything is going to be fine in a way that is probably accurate but feels too good to be entirely trustworthy. Magically irresponsible. Single $5 + Chocolate Dip $1 + Lucky Charms $1 = $7.
One scoop of premium hard Vanilla Ice Cream + Nutella drizzled warm + Crushed Oreos + Whipped Cream. Deep brown and hazelnut-forward. Alleged effect: casts Foedus — seals agreements. Not legally. But the handshake will feel more significant. Single $5 + Nutella $1 + Crushed Oreos $1 = $7.
Three scoops + Chocolate Sauce + Caramel + Whipped Cream + Sprinkles. Alleged effect: casts Expecto Patronum — drives away the dread and brings a wave of pure social warmth. A monument to excess. Uncle Wormwood is proud of you. Single $5 + two extra scoops $2 + Chocolate Sauce $1 = $8.
A cup pre-lined with our house Chocolate Dip, frozen into a hard interior shell, then filled with one scoop of premium hard ice cream and your choice of toppings. Alleged effect: casts Domus — makes you feel like you are somewhere warm and familiar. The chocolate is structural. It will hold until you reach the bottom. Single $5 + Chocolate Dip $1 = $6 base.
Start with one scoop at $5. Add scoops at $1 each. Add toppings — Chocolate Dip, Chocolate Sauce, Nutella, Caramel, Crushed Oreos, Lucky Charms, Sprinkles — at $1 each. Alleged effect: casts Fiat Voluntas — let your will be done, in dairy form. Uncle Wormwood guarantees the math.
Your bartender will ask one question: what flavor of feeling are you after? Not a flavor of ice cream. A flavor of feeling. Alleged effect: casts Incognita — effect unknown. The result will be cold. It will be dairy. Beyond that, nothing is documented. In-store only. Cannot be recreated.
✦ The Configurator ✦
Seen enough? Build your own.
The five-step configurator lets you pick your base, size, syrups, and boosters — with a running price total and Uncle Wormwood's personal commentary on every choice you make. It is the most efficient way to arrive at exactly the drink you want.
✦ Come In Person ✦
The fountain is running.
265 E 900 S Suite B · Salt Lake City, UT · Harvey Milk Blvd · Maven District